Since many of us will likely swill way too much bad American beer tomorrow, I thought it an opportune time to share some of my favorite quotations on the subject:
"An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do." DYLAN THOMAS
"If the headache would only precede the intoxification, alcoholism would be a virtue." SAMUEL BUTLER
"Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony." ROBERT BENCHLEY
"I envy people who drink -- at least they know what to blame everything on." OSCAR LEVANT
"I only drink to make other people seem interesting." GEORGE JEAN NATHAN
"Alcohol is a very necessary article. It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning." GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
"I have taken more out of alcohol that alcohol has taken out of me." WINSTON CHURCHILL
"So who's in a hurry?" ROBERT BENCHLEY in response to a warning that drinking is "slow poison."
"There is nothing wrong with sobriety -- in moderation." JOHN CIARDI
The following are all from W.C. FIELDS:
"Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water."
"A woman drove me to drink, and I never even had the courtesy to thank her."
"I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy."
"What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?"
"My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies."
"The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart."
"I exercise self-control and never touch any beverage stronger than gin before breakfast."
"Anybody who hates dogs and loves whiskey can't be all bad."
(All quotations pilfered from THE PORTABLE CURMUDGEON by Jon Winokur.) Cheers!