What Not to Write In an Appellate Brief

From an unpublished opinion of California's First Appellate District released today:

In rearguing his request for fees and costs, appellants� counsel makes the unfortunate choice of launching an ad hominem attack on the entire judiciary, stating, �[t]he Trial Court�s award is demonstrative of a judiciary that hails from an ivory tower, feeds from the public trough, engages in depression era economics, has many servants at its beck and call, lives behind iron gated communities, and which, therefore, having divorced itself from the community in which it serves, has no concept whatsoever, of the time, expense, study, and effort, it takes to get things done, particularly, in Alameda County Superior Court.� Appellants� counsel�s attack convinces us that we should address what is most noticeable from the parties� papers: the lack of professional civility and courtesy displayed by counsel in this action. . . .

[A]long with the attack we quote above, appellants� counsel concludes in his opening brief, �[i]f the Trial Court�s intention was to a) dissuade San Francisco attorneys from i) entering its bounds, ii) assisting its poor litigants, and/or ii) [sic] performing competently in its courts, and/or b) reward i) abuse of process, and/or b) [sic] the slovenly process of law, it has done a fantastic job.�

Needless to say, the Court did not appreciate this, though it declined to sanction (or identify) appellants' counsel. You can read the opinion (Swain v. Lewis) here.